


Castle on the Hill

by littlellamalittlelion



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Ed Sheeran - Freeform, M/M, Songfic, castle on the hill
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-05
Updated: 2017-03-05
Packaged: 2018-09-28 10:19:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,748
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10091990
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlellamalittlelion/pseuds/littlellamalittlelion
Summary: Dan and Phil grew up together, as best friends, lovers, boyfriends. Because of Phil's lack of communication about feelings, and a misunderstood with Chris, Dan and Phil break up. This story will tell Phil's journey to open up about his feelings,  to get his best friend, and boyfriend, back.Song fic based on the song "Castle on the Hill" by Ed Sheeran.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!
> 
> \- This is an AU, nothing here is expected to be real or based on true stories;
> 
> \- English IS NOT my first language, so please, any mistakes let me know and I'll fix it;
> 
> \- Dan and Phil do not belong to me;
> 
> \- Posted originally on Tumblr. 
> 
> Enjoy!

Third P.O.V

“Phil what the hell are you doing here? I don’t want to talk to you. I am not going back to you. Not again. I told you, that was the last chance you had to make things right, I won’t be the stupid boyfriend who gets cheated on and goes back to the other as nothing had happened.” Dan screams in the moment he opens the door of his flat and sees his ex-boyfriend, and childhood friend, in his doorstep. Phil is wet. It has been raining non-stop in London for the past two weeks, but that didn’t make Phil grab a raincoat or an umbrella when he left the house. He needed Dan, he was tired of being away from him. The rain wasn’t going to stop him from doing what he wanted on that moment.  
Phil looks up to his ex, and Dan can see that he is crying. Dan can’t see Phil crying. He knows that Phil isn’t doing that on purpose, Phil has always been a very sensitive person, and he would cry if his emotions where too amplified to stay bottled up inside of him, but that made Dan angry. All he wanted to do was close the door in his face, but he couldn’t do that. He couldn’t leave Phil crying, wet on the rain, outside in the cold winter of London.

“Come in before I change my mind.” Dan says, opening space for Phil to walk inside the house, but Phil doesn’t move. “What? You won’t come in and you won’t say anything? Should I just leave you there and go back to my anime marathon then?” Dan is getting angry, he doesn’t want to be angry, but he is hurt, and he different from what Phil thinks, he does have a heart, he feels things, and he is feeling a lot of things now that Phil is in front of him for the first time in two weeks. “Phil? I’ll leave you here, don’t doubt that.”

“I don’t want to go in.” Phil says in his hoarse voice, from over crying and staying too long in silent on the rain.

“So what do you want? Why did you cross the city to come here, on the rain? Just to stay in front of my door making a lost dog face?”

“I want you to come with me.” Phil says, taking his car keys from his pocket.

“Here? Why? Tell me why would I go anywhere with you after the whole Chris incident?” Dan is really angry now, but he just can’t scream with Phil. He isn’t capable of that.

“Because deep down you know that nothing happened with Chris. Deep down you do know that this was just a huge game that Jack played on us. And because you are too curious not to come. You won’t be able to sleep if you don’t come with me, never knowing what I wanted to show you. To tell you. I want to talk to you, and you will never forgive yourself if you don’t come with me and hear me out.” Phil says, trying to smile a little bit. He knew his friend too well.

“You know I don’t like when you try to play me, Phil Lester.” Dan says, but he grabs his rain coat. He isn’t going to say no to Phil. He needed answers, even though he didn’t want them right now, and Phil was right, he was too curious to stay home now. “Where are we going?” He said, closing the door behind him.

“You will see in a bit. I just need you to keep your mind open to what I’m gonna talk to you about today, because I need you to be on it as I am.” They were moving towards Phil’s car, Dan’s heart beating too fast to be safe.

“Phil you are not making any sense. Please tell me whats wrong.” Dan said, getting inside the car. He wasn’t scared. He would trust his life on Phil. But he was afraid for his friend. Phil was acting weird. Too quiet, too shy.

“I’m trying to tell you everything. I’m sorry if you are confused or scared. I’m sorry about this whole thing, but I need you to hear me out. I couldn’t think about another way to do this.” Phil said, turning the car on, but not moving. He moved his body to look at Dan. “A few months ago you were mad at me because you said that I bottle up my feelings and I never let them out. You were mad at me because I would cry for drowning in my feelings, but I would never free them. This is me freeing my feelings.” Phil said, moving the car.

Dan was scared. They had been driving for over 30 minutes now, and Phil didn’t say a word in that time. He knew that Phil was just trying to organize his thoughts and fight against his instincts saying that he couldn’t say what he was feeling, but he was scared. It took a couple more minutes on the silence of the road for Phil to start talking again.

“One day when I was six years old I was running from my brother and his friends. They would make fun of me because I liked painting and watching movies instead of playing ball or catch outside. That day my mom wasn’t home, and my dad was watching a game on TV, so no one was paying attention on us. My brother and his friends started picking on me, and I was tired of feeling alone and sad. I tried running away. They came running behind me, and they were faster. We were running on the hill when they got to me. One of Martyn’s friends pushed me, and I felt down the mountain. I broke my leg, but that wasn’t the worst pain I felt that day. I was sad and scared, and I felt like my brother didn’t love me enough to accept me as I was, that pain hunts me until today.” Phil didn’t take his eyes from the road, but Dan saw a single tear falling from his eye.

“So when you got to school the other day, you lied to me. You said that you had fallen down the stairs. Why did you keep that from me?” Dan asked quietly, trying not to sound too hurt, but feeling a little bit betrayed by his friend.

“I was ashamed of being different, and ashamed of not being loved by my own brother, by my family. I didn’t want to give you a reason not to love me, so I pretended that I was loved by the one that should love me.” Phil answered, giving a side look to Dan, and a little hurt smile.

“Why are you telling me this now?”

“Because I can’t lie to you anymore. I want you to know everything you still don’t know about me. You were right, we can’t have a relationship if we are keeping things from each other, so I don’t want to keep anything from you. I’m telling you all I want and all I feel, and then you can decide our destiny. I’m not gonna let the fear of not being loved keep love away from me.” Phil gives another side look to Dan, before looking in front of him again.

They keep going down the little country road at 90 per hour, for a few more minutes. Dan turns the radio on to put an end to the awkward silence. They are singing to ’Tiny Dancer’ on the radio when Phil decides to talk again.

“When we were fifteen you went to India with your parents, for summer. I told you that I was fine, that my summer went by really fast and I was happy, but I wasn’t. I felt like I didn’t belong anywhere when you weren’t there.” Phil started, pausing for a second to let Dan situate on the timeline of his story. “I didn’t want you to think that I couldn’t live if you weren’t in my life, so I pretended to be a normal teenager when you were out. I went out with our friends. They were in this never ending phase of smoking and talking about sex. I was a virgin and I’ve never even kissed anyone. I knew I was gay since ever, I knew I liked you since I was ten years old, but they were there, and they were pushing me to do something, anything, so I kissed Melissa. I didn’t like it at all, and I’m pretty sure I did it wrong, but all I could think was that I betrayed you. I felt dirty, I felt sick and used.” He paused for a minute before continuing. “We did many stupid and gross things that summer. We got drunk, we stole things on the stores, we ran away from the cops, but I never felt guilt for those things, I felt sad. I felt sad because I was scared. I was scared of telling you and you hating me forever, for you not being my first kiss, for me being a stupid teenager. So I never told you. Now I feel guilty for never telling you these things.”

“So when I came back, and you told me that you spent the summer just chatting with people and playing games, you lied to me again?” Dan asked, but his voice didn’t show any judgment.

“Yes. From that day on I’ve always lived with the weight of these lies on my shoulder.” Phil agreed. Dan tried asking why, but he didn’t answered, going back to the silence from before.

Dan decided to go back to pay attention to the road, and then he understood where they were going.

“Phil stop the car.”

“I can’t.”

“Phil stop the car, please.” Dan asked, panic in his voice.

“I can’t stop the car Dan. We need to do this.” Phil said, keeping the car in the same speed as before.

“Phil, are you sure? We haven’t been there since…” Dan can’t even complete his sentence.

“Since our parents kicked us out. I know.” The silence is back.

“Why? Why now?” Dan asked. The panic was still inside of him, but he trusted Phil, and he needed to know the rest of Phil’s story.

“Because I miss home Dan. I haven’t told you this before, but I actually miss home. And right now I can’t wait to go home.” Phil’s voice broke a little bit, showing that he was crying again.

“They don’t want us there Phil. They hate us.” Dan tried to argue, but he wasn’t that scared anymore. He had Phil, they would be okay.

“I don’t care about them. They’ve never cared about me.” Phil took another break before continuing his story. “Do you remember when we got our first paid weekend jobs?”

“Yes, of course. I think I’ve never seen you that happy before, and we were just cleaning gardens.”

“I was happy. I’ve never pretended that. But I’ve never told you why I was that happy either.” He stopped the radio before continuing. “I was glad I could actually drink something better than really cheap beer, yes, but the reason why I was so happy was actually because I was gaining money to pay for my freedom. I hated home. Actually, I hated my house and family, that was never a home. Our first job gave me the doors to a new life, and that maid me happier than ever. I was happy to start a new life, and I was happy to start it with you. We were starting to be free, and I was happy to be free with you.”

“I was happy to be free with you too.” Dan commented, a few minutes later.

They were quiet for a while, just watching the road passing by. It was the middle of the day, and they weren’t too far away from their home town. Something like half an hour away.

“Joe has a clothing shop in Manchester.” Phil said, cutting the silence.

“Oh really? Where did you heard that?”

“I called his house, his mom answered, she was glad to hear from me, from us.” Phil said. “We used to make so many plans. We used to talk about getting big jobs on the big city and living everyone together, around each other, but here we are. You and me, we live as far away from each other as possible inside of London. Alfie is Brighton, working by the sea. Peej had two kids, but he just got divorced, so he lives alone in Newcastle. Pewds just got married, again. His first wife cheated on him with a girl that they were friends with for years. Caspar is back home, he lost all his money in Vegas last year, and he wasn’t able to recover at all.Life play games with us you know, this makes me feel lost. Like nothing I plan for, will ever work. We grew up with them, and now its like none of us have ever met before. This take my ground away from me, and I hate it.” Tears are falling down Phil’s face, when he turns into an old very well known road that he and Dan used to take everyday.

“People grow up Phil, this happens.” Dan says, before noticing where they were going. “So this is what you meant when you said: ‘I miss home’.” He pointed. Phil agreed with his head. “I missed this place too.” Dan said, after a couple minutes, when they parked the car on the large garden. “Why did you want to come here? After all these years?” Dan asked, leaving the car.

“When we didn’t know the answers for our questions in life, we would come here. I have a couple of questions that I need answers for today, and I decided that here was the best place to come.” Phil said, walking around the big castle on the top a hill, just in the backyards of Phil’s old home, to find their favorite place on Earth.

They were sat by the castle on the hill, watching the sunset, thinking about life, feelings, love. Dan loved Phil. He has always loved Phil. Since that first day on this hill. Phil was counting on that.

“Do you forgive me Dan?”

“For what?”

 

“For hiding my feelings from you. For lying all these years and keeping everything inside. For taking you in this trip without asking before. Do you forgive me for loving you so much, that I never wanted you to suffer, when I was suffering?” Phil asked, turning his body to Dan, and holding his hand.

Dan couldn’t answer. Phil looked gorgeous in that light. The sun setting behind him, the view from their favorite place. Of course he would forgive him. So Dan kissed Phil. For long minutes, passing all the emotions he was feeling, showing Phil that it was normal to keep some emotions inside, to pass on the right moment. “I forgive you.” Dan said in the middle of kisses. They kissed for a long time before separating, to watch the end of the sunset. It took a few minutes before Phil saying something again.

“I’m really glad you forgave me.” He said, smiling really big. That made Dan happy too.

 

“Yeah? Why are you that happy? Didn’t you think I would forgive you after all the time we’ve known each other?”

“I knew you would, I just didn’t know it was going to be today, and that was scaring me because I still have another question I need an answer for today.” Phil said getting on his feet. Dan got up too. Phil hold on to one of Dan’s hands and got in one knee.

“Daniel James Howell, in the middle of all of the feelings we’ve talked about today, there is one stronger than any other in my heart. I miss you. I love you. You are the one that makes me feel happy, excited, loved. What I feel for you is real, and this is my way of asking to you if what you feel for me is real or not.” Phil opened a little black box he was keeping on his pocket for all the trip. “Dan, will you marry me?”

“Yes.”

**Author's Note:**

> I may continue this story one day, if you like it. So comment below if I should or not!


End file.
